Insanity Defense: Do not read if you are an emotional sap like me!

Fifteen years ago today I sent an angel to heaven. When I was pregnant with my second daughter we went in for a 'routine' ultrasound, Aug 8, 1996, the day before my Mother's birthday. When I arrived I had been informed that they were having trouble with the machine and that I would be unable to get pictures. They said that my Dr. usually has another one done a little later and that they would be sure to get a good picture then. I laughed it off with the tech and said isn't that the way little hospitals are! My Mother was working that day in the same Hospital in the OR, but in a case and unable to come with me. My huband was working and also unable to make it. You know your first everything with your first child it is all new and fun and they all want to be there for every little thing, well not so much for the second, third, or fourth. That was really OK with me! I mean, it was at least a special moment for me and that is all that really counted.
We began the ultrasound of course with the heart beat, a good strong beat, and wow does this kid move around a lot! I said MUCH more than my first pregnancy, but that, too was nothing to be concerned about. About ten minutes in the tech was looking concerned and said she had to go check something! I figured it was the machine, after all she had already told me machine problems. Twice she left and came back the second she had another gal come in and check out some things. She left a third time and said she would be back in jsut a few minutes.
Now I have to say I have always thought that I was good at reading people, but she had a pretty good game face. I suspected no trouble untill my Mother walked in. They had gone in and gotten her out of surgery because they did not want me to be alone. When she walked in I knew something was wrong, but at this point noone had said anything to me. only a minute or so she was followed in by the head of the department, a surgeon, and my OBGYN, as well as the two ladies who had been administering the ultrasound. They informed me that my baby had a birth defect.
My daughter was diagnosed with anencephaly. This is a form of spina bifida in which the brain stem forms, but the two lobes of the brain and the skull covering it does not form either. As a very neive young lady, my first question was, how do we fix this? And of course my Mother had to explain that there was nothing we could do.
They sent me to Peoria for more testing, which confimed the diagnosis, and I decided to continue the pregnancy in hopes of donating organs. You see although some of her did not form correctly all of the other organs are viable. I was not due till Mid Dec. and there was discusion as to weather or not I could mentally handle this. I told them that this was the only way I could justify this pregnancy.
One of the very common side effects of this anomaly is a condition affecting the mother called polyhydramnios, which is to much amniotic fluid. This is the bodys way of protecting the baby! Isn't it amazing that your body knows something is wrong and tries to help. I had more than three times what a 'normal' pregnancy would have. They estimated about three and a half GALLONS of amniotic fluid. At only 32 weeks my body could no longer take the pressure of what was going on inside and I went into labor. The Dr. tried to stop them and when the only alternative was to go home on a medication or let the labor progress I decided that my body must know what it needs.
On Oct. 21, 1996 My Christine Adrianna came into this world weighing only 3lbs. 4 oz. Unfortunately to donate anything she was quite shy of the 7lbs. She was born still to the world, and delivered into the hands of our Lord.
The day we burried her had been chilly and rainy, and while at the cemetary there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky.
I see her in all three of my other chlidren and love her as much today as the day I found out I was pregnant with her. To all out there who have lost a child, I feel your pain, know your love, and believe that we will join them again and be whole as a family.
Thank you for taking time out to visit me.